They Don't Tell You About This
by scubagirl98
Summary: Top Rangers are supposed to be stronger than this. They're supposed to complete missions with ease and not dwell on the past. They move forward. However, lately it seems Kate is moving backwards and finding herself back at Altru Tower on that fateful night every time she closes her eyes. Top Rangers are supposed to be stronger than this. She's supposed to be stronger than this.


A.N. So I haven't posted in a long while because when I started this story I was a bright-eyed freshman who had time to write stories, and now I'm a senior who's surviving off of coffee, anxiety, and stress. But, I found the time to crank out this lovely story since its summer. There are possible triggers for ptsd and nightmares but that's only in the italics below, everything else should be fine. Thank you so much for reading!

 _Darkness swarmed around her, that's how it always started. Faced down by an endless void where she could neither see nor hear, at least for a while. Suddenly the ground beneath her disappeared and she dropped down the chasm._

 _Then the faces appeared. Faces of her father and her baby sister followed her down._

" _Why didn't you save us?" Her father yelled, "You could've prevented this! We counted on you, Kate!" The face slowly crumbled to dust and surrounded her like a tornado. She coughed and gasped, but nothing helped._

 _Her sister just screamed and screamed. "Help me! They're hurting me, Katie, please help me! Katie, why aren't you helping me? Katie? Katie!" Eventually her red and tear-stained face was replaced by another._

 _Keith._

 _His still bore the injuries of when he was captured and held hostage, "Kate, why didn't you stop him?" As he talked, the injuries worsened, "We all depended on you! You could've stopped this. Why didn't you?"_

" _Kate."_

" _Kate."_

" _Kate."_

"Kate!" the red-head shook her shoulder, "C'mon, Kate, it's just a dream. Kate!"

Her eyes shot open and threw whatever weight that held her down on the floor. She coughed and hacked as if the dust still surrounded her. Her eyes darted wildly around the room, looking for the faces that haunted her. Instead she saw the interior of a bedroom, her bedroom.

"Kate? Are you alright?"

She turned her head to see Keith on the floor, but it's not the same person she saw in her dream. This Keith wasn't injured or screaming at her, he was healed and appeared to be waiting for something.

She shook herself into focus, "Y-Yeah, I'm alright." Her voice hoarse from all the coughing.

"Can you tell me what you see? Anything stand out?"

Kate scanned the room, "The bathroom light is on, there's a lamp on the desk with a burnt out bulb we need to replace, and there's a picture of us on the nightstand."

"That's good," he encouraged, "Can you tell me where you are?"

She nodded gingerly, "I'm-uh-at the Union base in Almia."

He nodded, "You're doing great. I just need you to answer a couple more questions. Do you know your name?"

"I'm Kate O'Malley, one of the twelve Top Rangers." She answered with a little more confidence.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Keith Conrad, another Top Ranger and my best friend and partner. What's with all the questions? And why are you on the floor?"

"It looked like you were having a panic attack when you woke up so I asked you a bunch of questions to help 'ground' you and work your way out of it." The red-head rubbed the back of his neck, "And I'm on the floor because you threw me off of you when you woke up."

Embarrassment flushed Kate's cheeks, "Arceus, I'm sorry, Keith. Did you break anything? Land wrong? Do you need me to get the first aid kit?"

He held his hand out as to stop her rambling, "Relax, it's alright. I'm alright. Right now, I'm more concerned about you. What happened- I mean- Can you tell me what happened?"

In the back of her mind, Kate heard the screams again. She drew her knees to her chest and focused her eyes to the wall, intent on keeping them open. As long as they were open, she was safe. She rigidly shook her head, it was bad enough she had to deal with this and she didn't want to burden someone else.

Hell, the only other person who knew about this was Rythmi and that's because she caught the ranger in the midst of it when she made the mistake of napping on the couch outside the operator's room. Kate told her everything: the chasm, the faces, the screams; all while Ryth held her hand. She was her operator and best friend; she needed to know in case she had another attack either on base or out in the field. Besides, this was one burden Kate knew she couldn't handle alone.

Kate snapped back into focus when she heard Keith stand up and felt the bed shift when he sat down next to her. "It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it right now." He comforted, "Most people don't wanna talk about stuff like this right away."

She shook her head again, continuing her staring contest against the wall.

It was moments like these that broke Keith's heart. He couldn't stand seeing her shut down like this and it almost made him want to go scream at the top of his lungs over lookout point because the last person that deserves this is Kate. He didn't care if it was over-protective, this was _his_ Kate and she didn't do anything to deserve this. She saved the region, the entire goddamn world at that, and this is the thanks she gets.

"Keith?" Her soft and frightened voice cut of his thoughts.

"Yeah, Kate?"

She swallowed and spoke in a voice that he almost didn't hear, "Hold me?"

It took him a second to process her request, "Ye-Yeah, of course." He pulled her into his lap to where her legs were perpendicular to his and her rested on his shoulder. Kate wasn't small by any means, Keith only had a couple inches on her from the growth spurt he had in Fiore, but she looked so tiny when she was like this and Keith hated it.

He hated how uncertain she looked around the room, like a Meowth backed into a corner.

He hated how her muscles automatically tensed when someone moved around a room.

He hated how she formulated escape plans whenever they walked in a room.

Most of all, he hated how she couldn't appreciate the fact that she saved the world; Blake Hall and the rest of his cronies made sure of that.

Keith was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't register her crying until he heard her sob.

"Oh, Kate." He ran his hand up and down her back, holding her closer to him, "It's okay, let it out. You're safe." He kissed the top of her head as he told her this. "You're safe, nothing's gonna get you. I'm here, I'm here."

She wiped her tears on the back of her hand, "It's not that. I'm just…so damn tired of being scared." She drew in a deep breath, "I'm tired of being scared of dark rooms, of falling asleep, of staying in one place too long, and most of all I'm tired of being like this!"

"Being like what?" Keith asked confusedly.

"Don't act like you haven't noticed." Her temper getting the best of her, "I know I'm different and I know people talk about it." She ran a hand through her knotted hair, "I just wish I could go back."

"Go back to what?" Keith asked again, "Back to before you saved the world from total darkness?"

"Back to when I was happy, damn it!" She exclaimed, "I used to be happy before all this!" She swept her hand for emphasis, "I used to smile, laugh, and enjoy my life! Keith," her voice softer, "I want to be happy again."

Keith looked over at her with soft eyes, "I know you do, but Kate, you saved the entire world. You don't just bounce back from something like that. You'll be happy again, I'm sure of it."

"But how can you be so sure?"

He patted the spot next to him on the bed and Kate sat down. "Because you're Kate O'Malley, a fierce ranger who defies the odds. You took down the first Gigaremo in Almia, took out a cargo ship from the inside out, secured Chroma Highlands damn near single-handedly-."

"That's not fair, you and Sven helped out with that." She yawned, putting her head on his shoulder.

He wrapped an arm around her, "Eh, we were mainly there to stand back and let you do your thing. May I continue?"

She yawned again and nodded.

"You rescued Isaac from the abandoned oil field, you-you saved me at the Hippowdon Temple, and you saved the world by driving out the darkness from the Shadow Crystal." Keith looked down and saw that she fell asleep, eyes closed and breathing peacefully evened out.

He laid her down on the bed and got up to go to his when a hand reached out. "Please stay?" Kate asked sleepily.

Keith hesitated, "Uh-yeah, sure. I'll stay with you."

Kate scooted over and he followed suit. "I'll always be here for you, Kate. You know that, right?"

She nodded drowsily, "I know, I know" And she fell asleep.

Keith almost laughed at the scene; for all of her toughness, when Kate was rather cute when she was sleepy. Almost impulsively, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead; wishing her sweet dreams before he too surrendered to slumber.

Kate's gentle slumber was all-too-soon by her evil nemesis: her alarm clock. She was tempted to just hit snooze and return to the comfort of her warm pillow, but breakfast with Rythmi was the only consistent time they saw each other each day and she'd be damned if she was going to miss it.

Wait, warm pillow? Kate blearily looked down at where her head used to be and realized she slept on Keith's chest. Thank Arceus he was still asleep and missed the way her cheeks exploded with blush. Kate gingerly climbed out of bed, threw on a sweatshirt over the t-shirt she wore to bed, and quietly walked out of the room.

As she walked down the hall she tried to fix the mess that her pigtails had become, but ultimately gave up when she couldn't get the hair ties out of her hair. She walked into the cafeteria to see Rythmi already sitting there with a steaming cup of coffee for her while she ate her own breakfast. Regardless of what it was, Ryth always arrived at least ten minutes early looking better than everyone else in the room, even if it was just breakfast with a best friend at six in the morning.

"Wow, you look like shit." Ryth commented upon looking at her disheveled figure when she sat down, "Rough night?"

"Thank you," Kate responded, taking a sip, "You know how to make a gal feel special."

She laughed, "Just thought you should know." She swallowed another bite before asking, "In all honesty, was it one of those nights again."

Kate set her coffee mug down, "Yeah, same one too except I didn't get to the screaming part. Keith woke me up before that."

The blonde raised an eyebrow, "Keith huh? How did that go down?"

The ranger shrugged, "I mean, alright I guess? He comforted me and all that, but I didn't tell him about it. Wasn't in the right headspace for that."

Rythmi nodded in agreement, "I figured. Hell, it took me threatening to take you off active duty for you to tell me. I still think you should tell him."

"Well he's sleeping in my bed right now so-."

Rythmi almost choked, "Excuse me, he's in your bed? Did you two sleep together? Exactly what went down? I need details."

"Relax, we just slept. I asked him to last night because I, for a lack of better wording, needed him. Speaking of which," Kate glanced at the clock, "I should probably head back so he doesn't freak out."

"Sure, go back to your boy toy, Katherine." Ryth said with a knowing smile, "You know this is only going to add to the rumor mill, right?"

"Maybe it'll add some variety to it." Kate called over her shoulder as she left. "It's been getting pretty dry lately." 

Kate walked back into their bedroom and saw that Keith was just waking up. His adorable spiky hair sticking up in even more directions that reminded Kate of the time he accidentally got shocked by a Pichu at school.

"Morning, sleepyhead." She smiled fondly.

"G' Morning." He responded, rubbing the sleep off his face, "Is that my sweatshirt?"

Kate looked down and realized it was, in fact, his because it covered her shorts and almost her hands. "Yeah, sorry I wanted to throw something on because I had breakfast with Ryth and it was the first thing I grabbed." She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "Do you want it back?"

He shook his head, admiring the view, "Keep it, I never wear it anyways. Besides, it looks better on you."

Kate blushed, but tried not to overthink it since he was running on only a few hours of sleep. "You can go back to bed if you want, I know you didn't much sleep last night."

"Nah, I'm okay." He stood up, "Besides if we're up early we might get first pick of patrols." He winked at her as he left the room, leaving Kate alone to get ready.

She threw on her uniform and redid her sloppy pig tails with haste, even though they were pretty close last night, Kate was not one to be outdone by her partner. They were still the same rivals that instigated that capture contest back during her first day of school. She looked at the picture of the two of them, Ryth had taken it after Outdoor Class in Ascension Square. Arceus, they looked so young! They had their arms slung around each other's shoulders as they beamed into the camera. Kate couldn't believe how little they looked; Keith was an inch or two shorter than Kate, while her uniform hung rather loosely on her frame. How young and naïve they once were.

She still remembered the bitter sweetness of graduation, the excitement when they ripped open their base assignments, the heartbreak when they realized the three of them would be separated, and the fear that they would never see each other again. She also remembered that special place in her heart reserved for the red-headed, quick-tempered boy she competed with. Well, time doesn't change everything.

Her nostalgia spell broke when she heard Keith clear his throat. Quickly the picture back, she turned around to see him leaning against the doorway.

He gestured towards the picture with his head, "Seems forever ago, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, look at us. You used to be so short!" She laughed.

"Hey, now," He said, walking over to her, "I was only an inch shorter than you."

She shrugged her shoulders, "Still short to me, Shorty." She sassed.

He rolled his eyes and smiled, "Regardless, do you think they know where we end up?" He rested his chin on top of her head and wrapped his hands around her waist.

"I don't know." She said honestly, turning around to face him while still in his arms, "But, I'm pretty satisfied with where we ended up." She drew in a deep breath and steadied herself, "Keith, about last night…"

"What about it?"

She rested her hands on his chest, "You didn't have to-."

"Kate," he cut her off, causing her to look at him, "I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to. I want to be there for you and help you if you'll let me, like you did for me when I came back from capture."

"Will you let me finish?" Now it was her turn to cut him off, "I know you didn't have to, but I'm thankful that you did."

He moved one of his hands to cup her face, "You don't have to thank me, Kate. I'll always be here for you, whether you need me or not."

She smiled, "And I'll always need you." She moved her hand to his shoulder, "Oh, and Keith?"

"Yes?"

"If you're gonna kiss me," She moved her head closer to his, "Do it before Ryth or someone else walks in."

Keith chuckled lightly, "Yes ma'am." And connected their lips.

This didn't feel like fireworks in the night sky or the spark that erupts a flame inside; this felt familiar, like finally going home after being away. She pulled herself closer, feeling Keith tighten his grip on her waist. Screw patrols, this is where she wanted to be today, tomorrow, and everyday thereafter. Call it selfish, but Kate wanted this and wasn't going to give it up without a fight. She's lost so much, but she was determined not to lose this. She couldn't lose this. She wouldn't lose this. She wouldn't lose _him_.

They pulled away, but kept their foreheads touching. Breathing heavily with slightly swollen lips, they stayed there and would content to stay there had Sven not interrupted them.

"Uh, Keith?" He knocked against the doorframe, "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, it's fine." She assured him, stepping away.

"Okay," Sven continued, "Erma says there's something in Boyleland she wants us to check out, you in?"

"Yeah, I'll meet you in the lobby." Keith answered, waving him off.

"Okay," He answered, "Just don't take too long."

"Arceus, I swear I'm going to kill him." Keith muttered to Kate.

Kate laughed and patted his chest, "Just go find out what it is before Erma herself comes in here."

"Yeah, that'd be a tough one to explain." He replied sheepishly.

"Exactly, now you." She said, all but pushing him out the door.

"I'll catch up with you later," he promised.

"I know," She said, actually shoving him out of the room, "Now go!"

He gave her a charming smile before he bounded down the stair. Arceus, what was she going to do with that boy? She grabbed her styler and headed upstairs to get her patrol assignments with a pep in her step that she hasn't seen in months. Maybe today's the day where things start turning around. Maybe today's the day where everything starts going her way. Maybe today's the day where she starts stepping back into the light, after being in darkness for so long.


End file.
